Pastor’s Ponderings

Folks, I am just getting back from school and so am pretty much all “written” out.  Hope you will enjoy this list put together by Thom S. Rainer in partnership with Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Thom writes that few people are truly aware of the constant requests, complaints, and criticisms pastors and other church leaders receive.  He listed a few that he thought were representative of what he got on a regular basis (I cut his list down a bit to fit here.)  Thom said that for the most part, these are direct quotes. The parenthetical words after each comment represent his off-the-cuff commentary.  Enjoy!

  1. “We need a small group for cat lovers.” (I guess they could serve Meow Mix as a snack.)
  2. “You need to change your voice.” (Yes ma’am. I’ll try to have that done by next week.)
  3. “Our expensive coffee is attracting too many hipsters.” (Yep. You don’t want too many of those hipsters in your church.)
  4. “Preachers who don’t wear suits and ties aren’t saved. It’s in the Bible. (I should have known that’s what Jesus and Paul wore.)
  5. “Your socks are distracting.” (I understand. I’ll stop wearing socks.)
  6. “You shouldn’t make people leave the youth group after they graduate.”(It’s going to get really weird by the time they turn 70 years old.)
  7. “We need to start attracting more normal people at church.” (So, you will be leaving the church, I presume.)
  8. “I developed cancer because you don’t preach from the KJV.” (Major medical announcement! New carcinogen discovered!)
  9. “Your wife never compliments me about my hair or dress.” (There could be a reason for that.)
  10. “Not enough people signed up for the church golf tournament. You have poor leadership skills.” (I’m so sorry. I expected more since most of the deacons play golf on Sunday morning)
  11. “If Jesus sang from the red hymnals, why can’t we?” (I think you are mistaken. He sang from blue hymnals.)
  12. “I don’t like the brand of donuts in the foyer.” (It’s better than Meow Mix.)
  13. “You didn’t wrap the hot dogs in bacon for the church picnic.” (I understand that one. Bacon rules.)
  14. “You shouldn’t drink water when you preach.” (At least not simultaneously.)
  15. “The toilet paper is on the wrong way in the ladies restroom. It’s rolled under.” (My guess is that it is still functional.)
  16. “You don’t have ashtrays in the fellowship hall.” (Yes we do. They are right next to the spittoons for your chewing tobacco.)
  17. “Did you see me waving in the back of the worship center? You preached too long. It was time to eat!” (Who needs a clock when I have you?)
  18. “You don’t look at our side of the worship center enough when you preach.” (That’s because you are on that side.)
  19. “We are leaving the church because you have a red cross on the building. That’s the color of the devil.” (I understand. It’s in the same verse that describes his pitchfork and horns.)
  20. “Your sermon needed more calories.”  (Okay. I’ll feed it one of those donuts in the foyer.)
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